Before we can conquer negative self-talk, it’s vital to identify it. When I refer to negative self-talk, I’m defining it as your inner critic. The inner voice that judges you and says the most awful things to you.
This voice makes statements like:
“I’m fat.”
“I’m ugly.” “
I’m not smart enough.”
“I’m not worthy.”
And numerous other “not enough” types of statements. It’s the incessant chatter you have with yourself constantly. In these conversations, you are not nice to you. If anyone talked to you the way you talk to yourself, you would get angry. You would most likely stop talking to this person altogether and avoid them and their negativity. But you can’t get away from yourself, and you continue to say the most awful things to yourself.
Know that you’re not alone if you are stuck in this pattern. We each have fallen into the pattern of saying self-defeating, negative things to ourselves at some point—all the while wishing something would change.
Self-talk is not just mindless chatter. It has a way of shaping your reality with self-defeating behaviors. For instance, think about the times when you tell yourself you can’t do something, and then you can’t. You tell yourself you can’t, and it becomes true.
How many times have you told yourself you’ll never lose weight and then eat a gallon of ice cream? Or that it’s too hard to find another job…and you watch TV instead of updating your resume? I can go on and on with many other examples, but I want you to understand that how you relate to yourself is how you show up in the world. It is also how other people see you.
Whenever I work with my clients or facilitate a workshop in which the topic is change, stepping out of one’s comfort zone, or motivation, I start with the topic of negative self-talk because it’s important that people start to notice their own patterns and turn those negative thoughts around. I’m going to share with you some ways help you get out of this pattern when negative self-talk rears its ugly head.
1. Create awareness of your thoughts by finding a practice that nourishes your mind and keeps you focused on the present moment. Here are some examples:
a. Planting and maintaining a garden
b. Meditating
c. Praying
d. Being in nature
e. Cutting grass at home
f. Painting
2. Become an observer of your thoughts. When you do this, these thoughts have no control over you, and you can stop and change them at any time. The lesson here is that you don’t have to listen to your thoughts if they’re hindering you.
3. Write down each negative thought. Examine these thoughts thoroughly by answering these questions:
a. Is the thought really true?
b. What evidence do you have that it’s true?
c. How does this make you feel?
d. What would the opposite of this negative belief be?
e. Who would you be if you let this thought go?
4. Accept yourself for who you are. Exploring what may be going on inside you will help you release a lot of the negative self-talk.
5. Recognize that negative self-talk is a part of you as long as you have a mind and a body. So why not live peacefully together? When the thoughts come forward, you will be able to recognize them for what they are, observe them as thoughts, and know that you don’t have to listen. Recognize that these thoughts may or may not be true; therefore, do not let them take over you. Do not let them control your reality.
If you need assistance with scripting some positive statements to counterattack the negative statements you often say please join our Whole Life Wellness Community. Learn inner tools and strategies on how to calm that inner critic and set you on an empowering path and more.
Adapted from my transformational book, “Jumpstart Your Life: Find Your Motivation and Change Your Life One Step at a Time” Grab Your Copy today!